Hart: Building resilience when life throws you a curveball

Life isn’t always a sunny day at the ballpark with a cool breeze, a hot dog and tickets to the show in home run territory. One inning you’re up, and the next something from left field knocks you off your game. You’re in the batter’s box and the chin music, knuckleball or Uncle Charlie drops like a hammer from the hill. How do you pivot from the unexpected plays, the season slumps and the shutouts? Since the 19th century, America’s favorite pastime has taught us resilience lessons.

“Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before.” (Psychology Today) In adversity, do you bend or break? Resilience is like oiling a baseball glove — it will allow you flexibility and prevent cracking under pressure.

I learned some of these qualities from my grandfather’s unwavering love for the Chicago Cubs, rivaled by my father’s obsession with the St. Louis Cardinals. Somewhere in the middle of that tension was my mother’s love of stories about overcoming loss and heartbreak found in three chords and the truth of country music. Here’s my triple play of resilience tips for every position on the field.

“Little boy in a baseball hat/Stands in the field with his ball and bat/Says, ‘I am the greatest player of them all’/Puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball.

Catch(er) some confidence

Practice like you’ve never won and perform like you’ve never lost. You’re not an imposter; you belong on the diamond. But it takes spring training to develop confidence, or “a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.” (American Psychological Association, 2013) Resilient people have a balance of confidence that prepares them to take risks even though there are no guarantees. Work to eliminate negative self-talk by replacing it with “[s]elf-talk that is optimistic [which] can foster self-compassion and help you overcome self-doubt and take on new challenges.” (Morin, 2023)

“And the ball goes up and the ball comes down/Swings his bat all the way around/The world’s so still, you can hear the sound/The baseball falls to the ground.

First base: Stop catastrophizing

Strike one: a moment where confidence could be snuffed out by expecting impending catastrophe. “Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that prompts people to jump to the worst possible conclusion … . A relatively modest error, disappointment, or source of embarrassment (or even the possibility of one) can sometimes become, in one’s mind, a cause for major fear or despair[.]” (Psychology Today) Resilient people fight this thinking pitfall by conserving energy for moving onward rather than ruminating on the past. There is often a lot of game left, and overthinking by envisioning a negative outcome diminishes the ability to take back the inning.

“Now the little boy doesn’t say a word/Picks up his ball, he is undeterred/Says, ‘I am the greatest there has ever been’/And he grits his teeth and he tries it again.

Second base: Regulate emotions

“There’s no crying in baseball.” (“A League of Their Own,” 1992) No offense Tom Hanks, but even all-stars are not void of emotions. Just don’t get tossed from your game because those emotions get the best of you. Resilient people are champions of maintaining composure. “This doesn’t mean that resilient people don’t experience strong emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear. It means that they recognize those feelings are temporary and can be managed until they pass.” (Cherry, 2023) When emotions come, acknowledge them, take a breath and let them pass.

“And the ball goes up and the ball comes down/Swings his bat all the way around/The world’s so still, you can hear the sound/The baseball falls to the ground.

Third base: Stay in the present

Strike two: a moment where we grieve the past and can be so terrified of the future, we lose track of the present. Resilient people stay mindful of their surroundings and resources. Panic, crisis and trauma often limit our ability to act. “Mindfulness can render us less impacted by painful events, more attuned to our loved ones, and enable us to respond more effectively and less reactively or helplessly in general.” (Linder, 2021) Stay in the present so you don’t miss the next windup.

“He makes no excuses/He shows no fear/He just closes his eyes/And listens to the cheer.

Shortstop: Value connection

Resilient people surround themselves with connection. Don’t confuse this with the fair-weather fan who is only in your corner during your winning season. Assemble a team that celebrates your successes and stays true during your most vulnerable moments. “People in our support systems can provide empathy or simply help us laugh and bolster our resilience by shifting perspective and reminding us we are not alone in the fight.” (Cross, Dillon and Greenburg, 2021)

“Little boy, he adjusts his hat/Picks up his ball, stares at his bat/Says, ‘I am the greatest, and the game is on the line’/And he gives his all one last time.

Left field: Keep swinging!

“You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” (“The Sandlot,” 1993) Sometimes life requires adjustments. We have to choke up on the bat or change our footing. Resilient people “look at the problem from different angles and try to think outside the box,” keeping themselves open to more than one solution. (Brown, 2023). To become more resilient, adopt a survivor mentality versus a victim mentality. You are more than your past strikes, and, “It ain’t over till it’s over.” (Yogi Berra) Keep your eye on the ball. Be coachable and then teach others how to keep their head in the game.

“And the ball goes up like the moon so bright/Swings his bat with all his might/And the world’s as still, as still can be/And the baseball falls, and that’s strike three.

Center field: Bad things happen

The bases can be loaded and you can be faced with the reality of striking out no matter how well you prepared, how hard you worked or how talented you are. To protect ourselves, sometimes we stay on the bench. “But by treating failure like a disease to be avoided, we never give ourselves a chance to overcome challenges and practice resilience.” (Davis, 2018) Resilient people understand that bad things happen to even the GOATs, loss itself is not unique and growth can help improve the next at-bat.

“Now, it’s suppertime, and his mama calls/Little boy starts home with his bat and ball/Says, ‘I am the greatest, that is a fact/But even I didn’t know, I could pitch like that.’

Right field: Failure or feedback?

Too busy focusing on the batting average to uncover other talents you didn’t even know you had? You can’t be afraid to fail if your destination is greatness. It’s in those failures that you discover valuable strengths and skills, and you can create a new path. Ask yourself, was it failure or feedback? “[S]omeone who survives failure has gained irreplaceable knowledge and the unstoppable perseverance born from overcoming hardship.” (Arruda, 2015)

“[He] says, ‘I am the greatest/That is understood/But even I didn’t know/I could pitch that good.’” (“The Greatest,” written by Don Schlitz, performed by Kenny Rogers, 1999. Give it a listen!)

Pitcher: Silver linings

Yes, I know the baseball positions are out of order, but my country music (and Kenny Rogers) lyrical story does it on purpose to give you an ace that you can keep.

The closest I came to baseball was playing catch with my brother, shouting at him when I had a “ghost man” on First. Or maybe when I sang the National Anthem for the Chicago White Sox at Comiskey Park. I don’t think baseball lessons are lost on lawyers who navigate the game of litigation, use the playbook of relevant caselaw and rules of procedure, and count their own and their client’s life strikes daily. Developing resilient characteristics “on our field” can improve our personal and professional lives. We can’t learn resilience unless we experience challenges. The struggle can be painful, but growth is the silver lining.

Life isn’t going to pitch steady or straight. Get out of the dugout, stand up to the plate, take the mound, know the difference between the balls and strikes, and weather defeats and victories anyway. “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” (Babe Ruth) And remember, the comeback is always greater than the setback.•

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Ashley E. Hart, esq., L.S.W., is a committee member and volunteer of JLAP and serves the legal community with her faithful therapy dog, the Honorable K9 Judge. When she isn’t lawyering, she is singing, and you can always count on her to leave you with some lessons in a song. Opinions expressed are those of the author.